Accepting and changing

Hi, my name is Cinnamon, I feel very honoured to have been asked to write a guest blog post by Mistress Peyton, and have struggled for a few days to come up with a good idea. However I think i’d like to make a post about how I feel I have grown as a person since I started to accept my submissive side more.

Over the last few years I have been no stranger to exploring my submissive and cross dressing side, which I’ve been aware of since my teen years. Although I used to try and hide it, I dont think I particularly felt ashamed as such, just was aware that maybe I was a little different from the norm. I still remember buying my first ever lipstick, It was around Halloween one year and I remember saying it was for a fancy dress costume, how original right??

Up until april last year, my only real experiences were online, and on phone sex platforms, it became like a little treat for myself every now and again, and with the Mean Girls who I called regularly turned into my first period of orgasm control. Most of the calls I had revolved around humiliation, with plenty of teasing, and a fair few in between call assignments. However I was still hiding my kinky side, I have a couple of really good close friends, one in particular who could tell there was something going on with me, she had no idea what, but that I always seemed to be a bit closed off, especially around ideas like dating (i guess theres only so many ways I can turn down being set up on blind dates) I can remember the afternoon so clearly, she came round to mine and basically said she wasn’t leaving till she knew what was going on. There was a lot of tears, a lot of hugging, and for me a huge sense of relief, ever since then she has been so supportive with things like advice on clothing, and just chatting etc

I had been getting an itch for a while, and at the end of another intense phone call with the Mean Girls I asked them if they would mind if I tried to make a session appointment with a Mistress in my localish area. They said it was ok, and after some research and a couple of enquiries I found myself with a session booked with Mistress Courtney. I had no idea whatsoever what to expect, I had mentioned some of my interests, and the couple of hard limits I have but was really taking a step into the unknown. I had such a rush of feelings that day, from the nerves beforehand, all the way to the excitement in the dungeon and the floaty feeling of exhilaration I felt afterwards. I think I knew straight away that I would try to do something like this again.

Over the next year and a bit I’ve had a few more sessions with Mistress Courtney, and have been lucky enough to meet some wonderful people who have helped me look at things differently, and experience things I have never thought would be possible. From helping Mistress at a filming day, (very eye-opening for someone who hasnt exactly got very extreme tastes) which has happened a few times since as well, to being a helper for Mistress as she did a demo at a hen party (bachelorette party for the Americans) Now that was pretty humiliating but at the same time thrilling. I also have been out a few times as Cinnamon, I found some kinky parties that were being held in a Dungeon Chambers not too far away and have been to a few now, as well as going to a fetish club in London with Mistress Courtney, and a femdom night in Manchester.

Heres the thing, I still consider myself to be fairly new at all of this, but know that I am really enjoying it. I have found that my thoughts and fantasies seem to be evolving all the time, I no longer have that same craving for humiliation, dont get me wrong used in play it would leave me weak at the knees, but say outside of a session Its not something I want all the time. Whereas I get cravings now for things like being restrained, spanked and all sorts that i’d never really experienced before. I guess being out as Cinnamon at the kinky parties has given me a confidence, and an escape. I know I did all my kinky things locked away at home in the past but now I have an avenue to explore it all, and luckily I feel totally accepted. This has really helped me in my vanilla life, yes damn I have a pretty crappy day job, but I no longer feel miserable about it every day. I know that its just an essential part of life that helps me indulge in this other side of me.

Somehow in real life as well I feel more confident. Maybe when I was hiding this side of me away deep down I thought there was something wrong with me, i’ve realized now that there isn’t, everybody is different and theres nothing wrong with being myself.  Yes in vanilla life there aren’t exactly many people who know. I think i’ll keep it that way, but most people around me (friends, family, colleagues) say I seem much happier now, Ironically some of them think I have a secret girlfriend or something.

Looking forward I know i’ll keep exploring my kinks and fetishes, and am looking forward to trying some more things that Mistress Courtney has mentioned, and attend more kinky events as and when I can. Although I dont really go in for the phones ex calls anymore though I do still have a soft spot for the Mean Girls, I think the calls I had with them over the course of a year built me into a position where I felt the urge to explore in real life. I tell you I am so glad I did.

Cinnamon

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