Let me start this writing with this notice. When you see Dom, I am using it as an abbreviation of “Dominant” that includes men, women and everything in between. I do not want you anyone to think I am excluding women in this.
As I sit down to write this I can’t help but having my mind distracted by a million different things. Is this week’s episode of FetCast ready? Do I have an episode saved up for next week and if not do I have a guest I can call upon to record one with soon? Have I cleaned the toys and equipment from last week’s party and prepare for the next (or at least appointed the task to a sub)? Have I talked to all the play partners lately that way they don’t think the only time I remember them is when I want to play? Have my personal problems in my life affected any of my relationships lately? I wanted to write a lot sooner but just now had the chance to. As a Dom I myself find my plate to be a little full and I still can’t help but to add more to it.
When it comes to being a good Dom, there is a lot of work we have to put into it, after all that is our job. Sure it’s the subs that serve us, they may be the ones that follow our orders and do what we say (if that’s your kind of D/s). In the end, the Doms are the captains of the ship and the subs are the crew of the ship. The help the ship running, but without the Doms doing what it is we do, the ship would be floating aimlessly.
We have to juggle everything in our vanilla lives with our BDSM lives perfectly for our subs. At times it can feel like we have three or four full time jobs while working overtime. One useful tool a Dom should have is to have another Dom to confide in. I believe every Dom has one, I know that I do and it really helps take the edge off. Sometimes puts things in perspective for me that I wasn’t seeing. It’s a community for a reason, you need to people you can trust to talk to. Hardest thing to do is to not let the subs see that side of us. We are expected to be the Dom 24/7 and it’s a lot of work to make sure there are no cracks in the hull.
So the next time you are servicing your Dom with whatever task it is that they have assigned to you, you just need to know you were assigned it for a reason. Whatever reason that is, you just need to be happy that you were asked or told to do it to begin with and you need to reply with an answer that your Dom would find acceptable. I once asked a sub “what would you do if I told you to jump?” They replied by saying they would ask me “How high?” Wrong answer, the answer I accept is that the sub is to jump and just pray to God that it’s high enough.
Until next time, stay kinky.
-KingHulk (creator and host of FetCast)